man wearing white tank top
Photo by fotografierende on

Denial never really looks like what it really is.

Denial: the action of declaring something to be untrue. Contradiction, refutation, rebuttal, repudiation, disclaimer; the refusal of something requested or desired. Refusal, withholding; a statement that something is not true.

What does it mean to be in denial? The definition of in denial is a refusal or unwillingness to accept something or to accept reality. An example of someone who is in denial is a wife who cannot cope with and won’t admit that her husband has left her.  Or situation where family violence and emotional abuse exists and one or members of the family make ouy publicly that everything is happy and rosy. Yet at home members are picked on, whipped, emotionally hurt in ways that are almost unreal to the outside world.

Denial is the refusal to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist.

It is considered one of the most primitive of the defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of early childhood development. These are ways or mannerisms in which we behave or think in certain ways to better protect or defend ourselves in harmful, unpredictable situations, self creating ways we distance ourselves from a full awareness of unpleasant events, thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Adults who do not learn better ways of coping with stress or traumatic situations and events in their lives will sometimes resort to a primitive defense mechanisms much like children.

People will often say to the person not in denial but in the truth, “Oh, They are so wonderful and lovely, but I will pray for you”. My Answer is Thank You for Praying for me.  Those types of responses scream the sickness of the person saying them. I do believe they believe the person they are saying this to is unwell, when in reality their denial shares their unwell ness, in a frieghtning reality. A sad state of mind.

People often want you to stay in relationships that are harmful to you, family’s often use God and religion for the why of it all, spiritual abuse to stay in control of the abused, the ultimate guilt trip, not God’s intentions for his word or his commandments.

I remember back in the days I used to be a part of my parents life. How I would cry all the way there, all the way home, and for a month afterwards. I was in denial, I believed that someday they would change and play nice. They are still alive and I really don’t think about them much. See, the visits only happened if I went there. I quit going the visits stopped altogether, I used to call, cry , call again, then I decided to quit calling, and the calls stopped, again I was in denial, I thought they would miss me and call they never did.

I used to feel guilty for quitting then a wise friend asked me, “If you know the neighbors would hurt your children would you let them go over there?” “Of course not,” Then why on earth would you even consider putting yourself in a situation over and over again where you were hurt”? Even more so, did you ever think that maybe they hurt you so you would stop coming around? And you just took longer than average to get the message?”

Bingo, I did not go back and it is pretty much unnoticed, unless they feel I am talking about them in this post, then I will get a zing. But oh well, opinions are like rearends, some are bigger than others, and some stink more! That way I know they are alive and well, and they no longer have any power any more. Mostly because I do not give them any. God is good, all the time!

One thing my parents did force me to, because of their behavior was my need for God, to create good in the world, So I thank them for my one Good Thing from my childhood, because of their outrageous behavior I have God, I need God, he has always been a part of my life since I was a little girl,and really that is all I need.

God is the parent that is patient and kind, we are his children, made in his image, never left alone. He is my Father and I am gladly his child, it is wonderful to truly be loved and cared for.

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than the unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8

But the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I Have said to you. John 14:26

If you love me you will keep my commandments. John 14:15

What I learned as a child was, “do as I say not as I do”. from both my parents, and some other adults in my life, If I pointed that out I was punished, for being honest and truthful, I had to learn to separate myself from all of it , because I knew that God wanted me to live differently, and what he has provided in my life is more than I could have ever imagined on my own. Thank God.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s