These words are the words of the criminal that desires to mislead someone else, it is almost as though they are conning the con, into trouble. They love the ones who will be as crooked as themselves, they desire the ruin of another, they love what they hold in reckless secrets that have abandoned logic and the law. They hold the person lead astray hostage…Literally. Sounds very accusing right? It is.
Our constitution says innocent until proven guilty and most folks are tried in the media, their reputations sullied forever and when the media is wrong, and the person is innocent the story is boring and never mentioned again, mankind has come to a place where a persons pain is their pleasure. Sad but true.
I believe families do this through deception, and selfishness, its how they manipulate and get their own way. And eventually the person being told these tales believes they are above the law, they push the cards and is eventually get arrested. The person that was the abuser or co-conspirator now is out to hang their own counterpart, and hang them high to save their own face.
The person telling the tales are never the one’s arrested and in most cases they believe that the reality of their own embarrassment, arrest, and the unspeakable, will go away if they just do not talk about it. To talk to a counselor is to betray the matriarch or the patriarchy of the family itself. I come from family dynamics like that, follow along for approval, and when you don’t you speak up, and you are Ousted from the family itself, and the only way to get back in is to play their came. Many play the game because they cannot imagine a life without their clan, they have no skills to escape with and start over, and it goes on and on, generation after generation. I am grateful that I chose not to crawl back, I trusted God and he lead the way. I survived, but many in the next generations of my family have not been so fortunate.
This code of silence is almost a guarantee of the next generations dysfunction, if not the next several generations.
It amazes me the power of the dysfunctional family, many family members become educated, go off to school, learn and are tested in ethics and eventually end up in jail anyway, particularly and mostly because of the inlaid messages of the most ghastly types of familiar dysfunction, that lay programmed so deeply in who they are, their family dynamics and in their own minds or brains, the negative is more powerful than,the few positive words they ever heard. Their children will be simply the same disaster in a few years, and so on, generation after generation,
And this is true mostly because in such families compliments were usually just another manipulation, trust was in the end robbed the person’s soul of something valuable, and eventually the mislead was self-will ran riot, their crime became their coping skill. Any psychological change or improvement of self-development is forbidden in these families, I know in my family I was warned of my own shunning if I chose to tell their secrets. Yes I am still being shunned, and it is okay, they did me a favor, I found out that what they had to offer was not acceptence, love, hope, caring, or even the way that most other family’s function or treat one another. Being threatened or manipulated is not love.
Plain and simple. Just another ism on societies back, the addiction that leads to the arrest. The addiction that covered up all the pain, all the inadequacy, all the fear, all the what if’s, and now the world knows, will they give grace for the choices their beloved made or will the run her into the dirt, crucify her with their words, Hang her out to dry, in reality her choices were bad, she must be accountable under the law, but the bad choices were a result of how she learned to cope, within her family, what they had done and what they had failed to do, now they will abandon her, and justify their decision, it is doubtful they will forgive and forget. The story is Hallmark, and not Hallmark at all.
Until we are all perfect in the eyes of God we perhaps should look at the rules of forgiveness, not one of us is worthy of the forgiveness of Christ, however we are forgiven when we ask and confess, and God holds no memory of our crimes, and yet mankind will destroy the lives of family’s and friends of the person who is related to the abuser, and blame rages one, in forgiveness we cannot hold on to grudges, we cannot remember and use the sin of another against the other or make judgements, all gossips must be accountable as they have not given grace to the accused, They will and most likely are playing God, The Media will play the game also, we all must be accountable in every part of the family and any of or all of the public humiliation of another if they are not perfect. And who is? Only Christ.
Let us all remember when we point the finger at one, three fingers are pointing back at ourselves.
The parent who yelled, the parent who hit, the stepfather who touched, the mother who desired her daughter’s failure to match her own, however, no matter what your childhood delivered you to, when you grew up you had the right to change the course of your life. Educational exposure proves opportunity, you are accountable for your own choices and the consequences of those choices.
The old messages are there at first, however you have the power with God’s grace to have them overridden with his love and forgiveness. You have the ability to say no, to pass on the next drink, to say no to the pass of another individual you are not married to, you can leave this mess, you have the right to leave and never come back. A family is a family, however if it dishonors you with its thoughts, its harsh words and its misdeeds you should go, be happy and joyous in the free life God gives, and leave the dead to bury themselves. My family used God and Church and the Bible when it suited them, as though it was something to pick your nose with, however God’s Word, God’s House, and God’s People are not to be manipulated with false promises, that are self-serving to the person using them to threaten you.
Every person must be accountable for their crimes, however, after their debt is paid to society the family may have to make some amends, for the attitudes and crimes in the family that lead the person astray to begin with. Now that’s the part that will really take guts.
All have sinned and made mistakes, if you are perfect, let me know. God will use this to, it will serve him, those in the situation will look back and say, it was a hard lesson, but it was a blessing, and it will take time, and true loving forgiveness.